JOKES

(source: pinoyjokes.net)

For the girls
Here are some tips on how to turn romantic guys down..
HE: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!



Pasahe
Sa Isang Jeep
Pasahero: Mama, Magkano Po Yung Pasahe?
Driver: 7.50 Yung Minimum Pasahero: (Dumukot Ito Sa Bulsa Para Kunin Yung Pera Niya, Ngunit sa Di Sinasadyang Dahilan Kulang Yung Pamasahe Niya.) Patay, Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Paano Kaya Ito? (Nag Isip Ito At Lumingon Sa Driver. Napansin Niya Na Duling Ito. Sabi Niya Sa Kanyang Sarili, Tama Duling Yung Driver Sigurado Pag Nagbigay Ako Ng 3.75 di Niya Mapapansin Na Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Kasi Doble Yung Paningin Nito. Inabot Niya Sa Driver Yung Pera. Ngunit Laking Gulat Niya Nung May Sinabi Yung Driver Sa Kanya. Driver: Kulang Ito! Pasahero: Anong Kulang? Di Ba Sabi Mo 7.50 Yung Minimum? Driver: Oo Nga 7.50 eh Dalawa Kaya Kayo.
Patay! Akala Mo Lusot Kana ha?



2 langaw
May 2 langaw na nag-uusap sa isang tumpok ng tae..
Langaw 1: Pare, nauutot ako.....
Langaw 2: Pare mahiya ka naman, kita mong kumakain tayo...Kadirs...


future family
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is : Always keep your condoms in your car.


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